The Date Ghost

When Zishan's last serious relationship ended, he was reluctant to explore new love. One of his friends suggested that he try online dating. Zishan finally signed up to one of the websites and started swiping. For Zishan, dating in the mid-30s isn't easy. Many of his friends are either married or in serious relationships or busy raising children.

It was hard but after a few pleasant dates, a pattern emerged, he would meet with a woman for a drinks, have a good time, part ways with her, and never hear from her again. This happened regardless of whether the goodbye came in the evening or the next morning.

Zishan was "Ghosted".

This wasn't the kind of dating that Zishan was used to, within the confines of a dating, no matter how casual, it always required a certain decorum. If you don't want to "keep seeing" someone, you had to say so, because you were going to see that person again somewhere. But with time Zishan started enjoying this Ghosting trend.

Ghosting is when someone suddenly cuts all ties and communication with the person they've been seeing. The theory behind ghosting is that the person who is being ignored will just 'get the hint' and realise their partner is not interested in dating anymore so the subject should be left.

Anyone can be a ghoster, it's not specific to either gender, but people sometimes find the behaviour is related to a person's maturity and communication skills. Many believe that ghosting is actually better for the person they're ignoring because they aren't hurting their feelings by telling them they don't want to date anymore.

But often ghosting just leaves the ghostee feeling confused and upset about the ghost.

Let us see how it affects people?

“Ghosting” can have quite a serious impact on a person's mental health. Social rejection apparently can lead to psychological distress which is extremely difficult to heal.

According to me it is emotional cruelty as it leaves the ghostee powerless to the situation and unable to find any answers.

So, next time when you're thinking of ghosting anyone, think carefully about what you're doing.

How to prevent being ghosted?

Keep it short

Make sure the first date is a quick coffee or movie so that other person will be left thinking about other things left to discuss and desperate to do meet again.

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For me these are old fashioned rules about waiting a few days to message, not being the first person to get in touch and leaving hours between replies. These rules are pointless and stupid today, if you like someone, don’t wait. They will be delighted to hear from you. However, once communication has been opened, don’t overdo it, try to understand the other person's interest level too.

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On first date put thoughts of the second and third date in their mind vaguely. Like how much I always wanted to go to that club, next weekend that movie is releasing, I can’t wait to walk the seashore holding your hands. Don’t be specific but let them start to imagine.

One can try preventing being ghosted but it can’t be forced. 

After-all no drug has been made till date in this world to prevent falling in love and vice versa. One can demonstrate that their life is already full and exciting but nothing in the universe can stop true love. 

After-all love is all one needs to feel complete.

NSK

pic courtesy shutterstock.com