The Infidelity Theorem
Women often initiate extramarital affairs. Here are some surprising facts about infidelity in India
Infidelity is no more hush-hush affair in India: Study
Infidelity is a complex subject, you can call it adultery, cheating, so many other names.
A decade back Indian society would not prefer to openly discuss the same, it would have been a shameful thing for the concerned family. But trust me it has always been there, in fact, same has been part of our Indian mythology too.
I strongly feel it is really OK to talk about it and understand what leads to infidelity, and how to tackle it.
What leads to Infidelity?
Infidelity happens even with couples that are happy with each other and are leading a good family life. I feel infidelity can occur at any point in time in a relationship, of course, driven by certain factors. Most common reply form couples are “We weren’t looking out for an affair, it just happened.” Like really? I don’t think so. Affairs are not spontaneous, they require careful preparation and decision-making. It is the choices people make that pave the way for an affair or rather emotional attachment that ends up being a sexual partner too.
One may develop a special liking towards anyone you know, meet often or share common interests but that strong liking converts to a strong bond consciously. So it is the choice one makes and lives with it – simple to understand I hope.
At that point in time, one think about the present and not about the consequences it may lead to in future.
To add to the above, it's also about being practical, especially for younger generations. More and more people are choosing lifestyles and relationships that are polygamous. But there is not yet a rule book for how to have successful open relationships. But as I said, it's a choice one makes.
How to tackle it?
The betrayal is heartbreaking, for each partner, with it comes outrage and anger, which in turn would need enormous energy and efforts to repair a marriage. Then how to tackle?
Most of us think that affairs signal the end of a marriage. I strongly feel this is simply not true. Although healing from infidelity is challenging, most marriages not only survive, but they can actually grow better from the experience. I am not trying to say that affairs are good for marriages — they aren’t.
Affairs are devastating because the bond of trust has been broken. Also, affair sex is like a narcotic drug — a highly addictive, potentially lethal drug and once you have a hit, there is no going back. But I can vouch for the fact that it is possible to get marriages back on track and rediscover trust, care, and passion.
As I have said above, about being practical, one needs to understand to segregate between love and commitment for family and for the special person who is giving you happiness and emotional strength. One needs to excel in the art of compartmentalization, this will not only ensure a balance between the two relationships but also no extreme outrage.
This betrayal is not actually betrayal, it's only in the eyes of the beholder. Love itself is painful because there is a wall separating people, and there's need to push that wall as much as one can.
Letting go of the past begins to make room for happiness in the present. One won’t forget, but forgiveness is a gift you give to yourself.
Rgds,
NSK
pic courtesy shutterstock.com
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